Time: 8:43 a.m.
Yesterday, I had my liver biopsy. All of the staff, nurses, tech and doctors were wonderful! The lesions were not in an easy to reach area. The radiologist took his time mapping out the safest approach, which I was thankful for. The biopsy itself was uncomfortable once they got in to the liver capsule. For my comfort, they gave me light sedation.
Once I got back to PACU, the pain was intense at times. For those who don’t know, I have a high pain tolerance and I do not like taking medicine. I was given oxy for pain... on an empty, NPO stomach of 18 hours.... needless to say, I was unable to keep anything down the rest of the day and night. Not ginger ale, not jello, not broth.
Today, my side feels a lot better! I feel like the screwdriver has been removed from my side. I took a few sips of gatorade and ate a few crackers. So far, it has stayed down. 🙏🏼
It was interesting being in the hospital. I was the youngest patient I saw in pre-op and PACU. When the nurses and techs would ask why I was being seen, or look at my diagnosis, you could see the empathy in their face. I look healthy, still wear a smile on my face, and can make a joke. It must be shocking to see a 33 y/o with now diagnosed stage III breast cancer.
I’ve had lots of time to think and self reflect. Initially, I wanted to save any part of my breast I could. I wasn’t thrilled when I was told I would have to have a modified radical mastectomy. I was told by my plastic surgeon, I have “perfectly symmetrical” breasts (why thank you! 😉) and started to focus on how I could make that possible again with an implant. It caused a lot of unnecessary worry. I finally got over the vanity of my breasts. I am going to choose to have a double mastectomy. This might take a year of my life, but I’ll be damned if it takes another.
While walking in the mall last week, there was a model on a poster, topless, covering her breasts with her hands. The ad, a jean jacket. All this imagery on ads, magazines, TV and social media can make a woman feel beauty comes from her breasts. It can make you feel you aren’t feminine if you don’t have breasts. I am changing my view on breasts. When I lose them, to all those women that have lost them, I am going to know I was a warrior. I fought a battle, not everyone does and not everyone conquers. I will see scars that will remind me of the strength I never knew I had, the amount of love I never knew I could be given, and that God saw me through it every step of the way.
Have a blessed Thursday!
Time: 11:20 a.m.
I am scared. Waiting for results is the worst. I wanted to share something that was mentioned to me twice today, by two different people. I want to quote the card I received from a lovely lady this morning. “Live your life happy. Smile every day. Love from your soul. And do not believe everything people tell you. We are not a statistic. Only God knows. Live without strings attached.”
Reinforcement, I am where I am supposed to be. This was God’s plan. I could do nothing to change it. There is no purpose on dwelling on the past. There is no point worrying about tomorrow. I need to just live for right now.
Thank you, Nelly!
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